Identity crisis

I'm a little disturbed by this...

Partly because I know the guy who wrote it. But partly because only 35% of them are true in my case. Does this make me only 1/3 Jewish? Or only 1/3 girl? Or only 1/3 Jewish girl?
I'm so confused now. My entire world is crashing down around me!

Google Update

As requested, here is the article in which I'm quoted as saying something extraordinarily dumb. You may need to be a WashU student/alum to access it.

I had to re-Google myself to find the link, and I saw a new entry. My name somehow made its way onto search site for cleaning ladies in Lincoln Park, NJ. How? Because I'd sent in an e-mail to Bangitout.com, and my e-mail was posted on the same page as the words "cleaning lady" and "Lincoln" (as in avenue). I never knew it was so easy to become a professional cleaning lady.

Tofutti Cream Cheese

...is really extraordinarily disgusting. If rubber were spreadable, that's exactly what it would taste like.

Someone's got a case of the Mondays...

I saw something truly depressing this morning. I had to be at the office at 7:30, which meant catching my bus a full hour earlier than I usually do. I figured the bus would be fairly empty. After all, how many other people go to work at 7:30am? The bus was full, passengers standing all the way to where the driver's seat. Somehow I doubt that all these people were going to work unusually early, like I was. This means they normally get to work at 7:30am. That's just wrong. And very, very sad.

I believe that there is equilibrium in the universe, which means that for every workaholic, there is a person out there partying away their life. Now, I've been working long hours for the past month, and that means someone else has been having extra fun for each extra hour I've worked. Well, whoever you are, I'm cutting your party hours down to 40 per week. I want my fun back! It's mine, and I no longer feel like sharing.

I got your Google right here...

I Googled myself. Not sure why. And I realized that, based on the sites that came up, my 'Take Over the World' campaign is not going very well. The sites were either from high school activities, my shul and community in St Louis, and a newsletter from a synagogue in Chicago I don't even attend. I tried to donate blood in their gymnasium, and my name somehow ended up in their newsletter.

The best part was the link to an article in my campus newspaper from my junior year, in which I'm quoted as saying something incredibly dumb about diversity. And I don't remember being interviewed, let alone saying anything that stupid. I say dumb things all the time, but I'm usually more eloquent about it.

Happy Happy! Joy Joy! #2

Yesterday was quite the day for simchas! First, a most heart-felt Mazel Tov to my wonderful supervisor, Karen, who became a grandmother yesterday, to a baby girl. Mommy and Baby are both doing fine, and Karen reports to this blog that not only is the baby adorable, but huge. 9 pounds, 2 ounces, and 21 inches long. That's a big bundle of joy.

Second, an equally heart-felt Mazel Tov to my buddy Yosef, who got engaged yesterday to his lovely girl, Tova. I had already been in a good mood before I got that news, but hearing about their engagement made my evening that much better. Not that it really matters, since it's their simcha. But we all like knowing that our friends are happy.

Mazel Tovs all around! Everyone go have a L'chaim this shabbos in honor of people who become grandparents, and people who find the person they hope to someday share and spoil grandchildren with.

Spring is here.

Big Brother really is watching...and corrected the previous version of this post.
Spring has begun. Summer begins in 39 days.

Fashion Preview:
The colors of Spring, Summer, and Fall 2004 will be Red, White, and Cubbie Bear Blue. This trend will continue through the month of October.

Oh, and by the way:
Welcome home, Greg.

Office Etiquette 101

The Coffee Maker is a sacred object. It pours forth that life-giving substance known in this dimension as "Caffeine." Some of us rely on this substance to help our brain cells function for a full day of staring at a computer screen.

Office coffee must be hot. Not lukewarm, and certainly not cold. The longer it sits in the little pot, and the colder it gets, the more sludge-like it becomes. The reason for this could undoubtedly be explained by some scientist with too much time on his hands. I'm not concerned with the reason. I simply know this to be true. It is also true that office coffee, by nature, tastes bad. Similar to how opening bands (unless they happen to be Ra'ashan or Farbrengiton) have a tendency to suck. It's just the way of the world, I suppose.

Therefore, there is no reason to not put on the warmer underneath the coffee pot. We all know it won't keep the coffee genuinely hot, but it will keep the worst of the sludginess at bay. I'm pretty sure that failure to keep the warmer on is an offense punishable by death in Texas.

This is Fun!

In that "really frustrating until you figure it out and feel smart" kind of way.

The Quest for Carbs

Where did they all go? Not too long ago, America was the land of the chocolate chip bagel (not a genuine bagel, but tasty nonetheless), muffins the size of your head, and greasy meat slapped between two buns. Carbs give you energy, they said. We could practically walk outside and pick the carbs off the trees. Those glory days are no more. It's gone beyond "low carb" menu items, and bestselling books on how to avoid the little buggers. It's now gone so far as to affect that most holy of art forms: alcohol commercials. Bacardi Rum has released a commercial advertising "Bacardi and Diet Coke: 0 carbs, 0 sugars, 65 calories." This is tragic, and a sign of a deeper evil: Dr. Atkins is trying to take over the world. I'm not even sure he's really dead. I think he's hanging out with Elvis, on a secluded island in the Seychelles.

The bad guys have been identified. Cara's World is now on a mission: to find, and consume, the missing carbohydrates. This is my world to take over, and I will not stand for any rivals. In order to prepare for my mission, I'm going to go make popcorn. This training will be very difficult...

Happy Happy! Joy Joy!

The guys on the radio said this morning that Valentine's Day (and Valentine's Day weekend) is the most popular time for men to pop the question. This year, Cara's World is pleased to report that such a statistic might possibly be true. Don't get excited...we're not talking about anyone directly associated with this blog. However, I would like to give a most heartfelt Mazel Tov to Jason and Noa, who got engaged this weekend. I can't wait to dance at your wedding this summer.

I'm so happy for my friend and his lovely bride-to-be that it doesn't even matter that my red rose died over the weekend. Apparently, they need nourishment. Something to live on, to make them thrive. This might be a metaphor for something else related to V-Day, but I can't quite figure out what the rose is trying to tell me...

Important Service Announcement

It is this blog's pleasure to provide you with this insight into Dubya's head. This is not to be undertaken by the faint of heart. His head is strange, uncharted territory, where no man has gone before. Or is it a hostile, barren wasteland? I can never tell...

Velvel, my friend...

You may be a Jewish rocker. But I am a Fraggle Rocker!

A rose by any other name...

Most people who know me also know that I despise Valentine's Day. It's just not romantic to plan a special evening because Mr. Hallmark says so. Besides, if your guy is so unromantic that he needs Valentine's Day to be pre-printed on all of his calendars, chances are he's not going to come up with something truly romantic for that day anyway, so you're just going to end up even more disappointed. A romantic guy doesn't need a reason to be romantic.

I usually tell my guy friends to make this stupid day romantic by doing something for their girl before February 14, when she isn't expecting it. Surprise them with flowers on February 10 or 12. Make them (or take them to) a candlelit dinner the weekend before. Show them that you care about them, not about impressing them and appeasing Mr. Hallmark.

That said, I do have to give major Kudos to the management of my office building, who handed a single red rose to every female tenant as they walked into the lobby this morning. That's both sweet and cute. It's also the only time I've ever been given a rose for Valentine's Day, which is really sad. Well, in high school, my friends and I would buy a flower from whichever student groups was selling them, and send them to each other. Senior year, I actually sent one to a boy. He was a sophomore, and my partner for an upcoming Model UN conference. I wrote a friendly little note, just thanking and supporting him for all the work he'd put into our preparation. Nothing romantic, just appreciative. The little punk then assumed that not only did a senior have a crush on him, but that he was cooler than she. Neither assumption was correct.

The Music in My Head...

I had a really random, annoying song stuck in my head as I was on the bus home from work last night, and I'm not sure how it got there. The worst part is that I only know two lines, so I was mentally singing "Jump! Shake your booty! Jump, Jump!" And I had this flashback to my summer camp days, and how we would have this all-camp dance once per session, with a DJ group called A-Z Entertainment, who would always play that song. We thought it was great. When we sang "Jump!" we would jump and turn 90 degrees. Then we would shake our 11-year-old booties. And then at "Jump, Jump!" we would turn 90 degrees each time. So we pretty much jumped about in circles and wiggles our bums, and we thought it was cool.

Not much has changed, has it?