Tuesday, February 17, 2004

The Quest for Carbs

Where did they all go? Not too long ago, America was the land of the chocolate chip bagel (not a genuine bagel, but tasty nonetheless), muffins the size of your head, and greasy meat slapped between two buns. Carbs give you energy, they said. We could practically walk outside and pick the carbs off the trees. Those glory days are no more. It's gone beyond "low carb" menu items, and bestselling books on how to avoid the little buggers. It's now gone so far as to affect that most holy of art forms: alcohol commercials. Bacardi Rum has released a commercial advertising "Bacardi and Diet Coke: 0 carbs, 0 sugars, 65 calories." This is tragic, and a sign of a deeper evil: Dr. Atkins is trying to take over the world. I'm not even sure he's really dead. I think he's hanging out with Elvis, on a secluded island in the Seychelles.

The bad guys have been identified. Cara's World is now on a mission: to find, and consume, the missing carbohydrates. This is my world to take over, and I will not stand for any rivals. In order to prepare for my mission, I'm going to go make popcorn. This training will be very difficult...

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