Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Holy Wing Girl, Batman!

The following is an actual advertisement that I saw about 30 seconds ago in a local Chicago paper. I was simply looking for part-time job opportunities, along the tutoring or waitressing lines.

Sorry to the guy who wrote this, but it's just too funny not to share:

Here's the deal: I don't want to date you, have sex with you or even kiss or hug you.

I want you to hang out with me at bars and talk me up to other girls so I break the ice with them. Whenever I'm out with females, random girls feel so much more comfortable in talking to me.

The only requirements are that you are attractive and personable. Age doesn't even matter, so long as you're over 21. I'm 27, 5'9, 135 lb; but even having an attractive confident 40 yr old talking me up would be superb.

If you like, I'll give you my cellphone number and home address so you know my details; but I don't need to even know your last name. We'll arrange by email or cellphone to meet in a bar, and at the end of it I'll pay you $45/hr. In addition to this, if I meet a girl through you who I end up going on at least 5 dates with, I'll give you $1000.

If there's anything I can do to make you more comfortable in doing this, I'm all open to ideas. Obviously I'll pay for all drinks, tips, meals, concert tickets, etc.


I placed a very similar ad to the one above about a month ago. I got about 90 responses, interviewed about 30 of them, and eventually chose 6 to actually go out with. 3 of them I used only once, and am now down to 2 who I think are effective.

Both of my current winggirls have very hectic lifestyles, and I can only go out once a week between them. Although I haven’t found my soulmate, I’ve met lots of girls through going out with them. I’m therefore looking for 2-4 more winggirls, so that I can go out 2 or 3 times a week during the summer.

Anyone think I should apply? Bueller? Bueller?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Cara's World Goes Gluten-Free

Those who have had the privalege of meeting my maternal unit probably know that she has a whole host of wacky food sensitivities: wheat, corn, soy, milk, oranges, and I think even egg whites. For years, it seemed as though this was solely her bizarre burden.

After returning from the Holy Land, however, it appears as though this may be my burden to share. Since coming back, I've been on what they like to call a "Detection Diet", which pretty much means I stop eating anything we think I may be sensitive to for 2+ weeks, and then reintegrate it into my diet and see what happens. So far, I don't seem to have much of a reaction to corn. So that leaves wheat products. I've not deliberately eaten gluten in over 2 weeks (okay, so I've had a little bit of challah. And maybe a sip or two of scotch. What can I say? I'm weak!).

Here's the sad part: I really do feel better. I have more energy. My brain seems to function better (though I'm sure plenty of my friends would argue this). My nose is less stuffy. So this seems to indicate that I'm either "Wheat Intolerant" or that I've joined the ranks of those with Celiac.

So, for the time being, my world is gluten-free. The good news? Bourbon is also gluten-free. We don't have to end our love affair anytime soon.

Monday, June 05, 2006

A Day In The Life

My random summer job is perhaps one of the most random that I have ever held. More random than a polisci major working for a genetics education outreach program. I work as the Jack-of-All-Trades for a new culinary consultant start-up. I'm supposedly the office manager, sometimes called the Administrative Assistant, but really I do whatever is needed. Expense reports? Done. Build shelves from Ikea that destroy my manicure? Done. Research the latest food trends involving pickles?


Yes, that's right. Today I am researching that oft-overlooked, but oh-so-enjoyable food: the pickle. Who eats pickles? What are the nutritional benefits of pickles? Are there particular food trends- ethnic or otherwise- that involve pickles?

Just when I think my life has hit its limit for bizarre, I get asked to research pickles.