I Need A Weather Vane

Last week felt long. It should have been a very fast week, since I didn't have to work on Monday. Yet instead it dragged and dragged. There are two reasons for this: my best friend's mother was in the hospital (now recovering nicely, baruch Hashem), and I'm trying to decide the course of my life.

It a rather pathetic epiphany, I realized that I haven't had to make many major life decisions thus far. True, I'm still a little pischer. But my past decisions, even the ones that seemed huge at the time, weren't such a big deal. For example: I had to choose which college to attend. Obviously my choice shaped who I became in those oh-so-formative years, and I believe that I made the right choice, but the really crucial aspect of that decision was made by my parents. The decision was not whether or not to go to college, but simply which college I wanted to go to. They chose my path- I only decided how I was going to travel.

And now I'm trying to decide what to do next fall. Do I follow the path that my parents, and Big Brother, chose, and go to grad school? Or do I pick my own path, and go to Israel to do I-don't-know-what? I'm leaning heavily towards Israel. In fact, I've almost decided to not apply to grad school at all. And earlier today, I filled out and submitted an online application for Livnot U'Lehibanot. (Not sure it's the perfect program for me, but that's a different subject altogether) But it's definitely keeping me up at nights, among other things.

I'm a thinker and a planner. I map things out, and try to figure out all the angles before hand. I suppose that makes me a very cautious person. I don't like taking risks in my personal life, and I'm rarely capricious. Part of me wants to, very uncharacteristically, just see where the wind takes me. Get myself to Israel, and figure everything else out when I get there. But the rest of me wouldn't mind a 5-day forecast...just so I have a better idea of what to expect and what to pack. So any of you psychics (but not psychos) or meterologists out there: your advice is most appreciated.