Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I'm Smarter Than Othello

I know I usually don't get very personal with my posts. This was different in the past, when my paternal unit didn't know that I had a blog. Ever since my world was discovered by the Paternal Exploration Team, I've been reluctant to share thoughts about certain realms of my world, particularly those inhabited by the strange alien creature commonly known as Boy.

Given my current dry spell, there's really not that much of interest to report on interactions with these creatures. I have noticed, over the years, that I do have a particular tendency towards a certain emotion when I'm particularly intrigued by a Boy creature.

I get jealous.

I'm not proud of this at all. I like to think of myself as being somewhat more level-headed and down-to-earth than many 20-something females, so I have never liked this particular irrational tendency. Even worse, being jealous has led me to do and say some truly stupid things. Like drink too much, and then call the particularly intriguing Boy creature in the wee hours of the morning, pouring out my heart and demanding to know 1) what's going on with the other girl, and 2) how he really feels about me. Not smart. Very not smart. I don't like feeling not smart.

I found out over the weekend that a particularly intriguing Boy creature (who has intrigued me for a particularly long time) had gone out a few times with a girl I know from a past life. Did I get jealous? Yes. Did I go psycho? No!

I totally kept my cool. In fact, I'm not certain he even knows that I know. And it doesn't matter. Why? Because I was able to stay logical. Rational. Down-to-earth. Level-headed. In other words, my brain retained its normal level of functioning. I learned what I needed to learn, and then I processed it, and arrived at a very important conclusion: It doesn't matter.

Not that this particularly intriguing Boy creature doesn't matter. He really, really does. But his taking this other girl out doesn't matter. There are several factors indicating that whatever is/was between them is going nowhere. There are multiple signs that indicate that he continues to find me particularly intriguing. Nothing has really changed at all. And, since he and I are not in any kind of exclusive relationship, he's 100% allowed to date other girls. And I'm 100% allowed to be intrigued by other Boy creatures.

At the end of the day, I'm so proud of myself. I finally conquered a personal demon. Take that, green-eyed monster! You, and the Iago you rode in on!

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