Today is the primary in my lovely home state, and like a good citizen, I made time this morning to vote. It was supposed to be easy, but I was foiled by the stupidity of others.
I was pretty sure I knew which poll I was supposed to go to, but since I passed one right around the corner from my apartment, I stopped in to double check. After all, I had no wish to wander around the neighborhood aimlessly. So I walked in, and had the following dialogue:
Dumb Volunteer #1: Do you live in this building?
Blog: No, I...
Dumb Volunteer #1: Then you don't vote here.
Blog: Yes, I know that. I was wondering if you could tell me where I am supposed to vote.
Dumb Volunteer #2: What street do you live on? (Blog gives address). Oh, you're supposed to vote at the public school.
Blog: That isn't where I voted in the past. Are you sure?
Dumb Volunteer #2: Yes.
This blog then leaves, and goes back out in the frigid weather to the public school. Upon entering, I immediately notice that the signs do not list my precinct. 'Aha!' this blog think. 'I was right. I don't vote here...' While thinking, a man came up and asked if I needed help.
Blog: Yes, my precinct isn't listed here. Can you tell me the address of the correct polling place?
Man: Come in the auditorium. The people in there can help you.
The man guides me towards a desk, at which more volunteers were sitting.
Dumb Volunteer #3: What's your address? (Blog supplies address) That's not in this precinct. You need to go down to the tables over there. (points towards two other tables)
Very frustrated, I walk to the other tables, and am accosted by more dumb volunteers. This blog tries to cut them off before they start their dumb shpiel.
Blog: Can you tell me where the 44th precinct is supposed to vote?
Dumb Volunteer #4: What's your address? (Blog wearily supplies address) That's not in this precinct. This table is for the 46th precinct.
Blog: Yes, I know that. I live in the 44th precinct. Can you tell me where I'm supposed to go?
Dumb Volunteer #5: What's your address? (Blog supplies address yet again) Oh, you're in the 19th precinct. You should go to the last table.
Blog: No, I'm in the 44th precinct. Not the 19th.
Dumb Volunteer #5: You mean the 44th ward.
Blog: No, I mean the 44th precinct of the 44th Ward.
Dumb Volunteer #5: You're in the 19th precinct.
Blog: Were the precincts changed recently?
Dumb Volunteer #5: (vacant stare)
Blog: Unless my precinct was redrawn, I'm in the 44th.
Dumb Volunteer #5: You're in the 19th. Here, follow me.
Dumb Volunteer #5 leads me to the 19th precinct table, where this blog is immediately greeted by...
Dumb Volunteer #6: What's your address? (Blog gives address yet again, and wonders is she can just wear it as a name tag) Oh, you're not in the 19th precinct.
By this time, this blog is ready to jab the dumb volunteers in the eye with the ballot-punching tool. Their eyes are saved only by the arrival of Smart Volunteer, who walks over to the wall, where a list of precincts and polling places is taped. He then tells me where to go.
Sadly, it's the address I thought it was when I left the apartment. I'd have been fine if I'd never asked anyone anything. And now I cast yet another vote...
Cara's World officially votes all the dumb volunteers off the island. May they all be plagued by voters even dumber than they are.
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